Trapped and Stuck.

Trapped and stuck.

"I hate it here. I just want to be 18 so I can be an adult and leave this place."

You might guess that being rescued from human trafficking and brought into a "safe home" would denote feelings of gratefulness and freedom. Instead, she feels trapped and stuck. But before you judge her for this, think about it.

All she's ever known is captivity. All she's experienced is oppressive control. While you were learning as a young child that some authority has your best interest at heart, her experiences say otherwise.  Those she trusted manipulated her and lied to her over and over again.  There's been no one she can trust, so how could I expect her to trust me? How could I expect her to easily trust God?

No. This is a process that is much longer and harder than 18 months. This is a process that I cannot do in her heart. This heart's lessons can only be unlearned through the unconditional, faithful, and sacrificial love of Christ... a love she's never known in physical form. But the slavery wasn't just physical. Slavery never is. Which is why being rescued from a brothel doesn't mean the slavery ended. She is still trapped and stuck in a web of lies from the author of lies.

She's not free yet. Pray with me that she would be.

It's not about me.

It's Not About Me.

It never was... but sometimes I lose track of that reality. As a human, I get sidetracked and lose focus of the purpose here.

Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own, you were bought with a price, therefore honor God with your bodies. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 

So then, you are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God, built on the foundation of the apostles an prophets, Christ Jesus himself being the cornerstone, in whom the whole structure, being joined together, grows into a holy temple in the Lord. In him, you also are being built together into a dwelling place for God by the Spirit. Ephesians 2:19-22

So... my purpose is to be and to become a dwelling place for God by His Spirit, collectively with the rest of His church. My purpose is to glorify God and I do that through loving and serving people. Why? Because God is creating in believers a dwelling place for Himself. The gifts, talents, and resources that I have are not my own... they belong to God and therefore they belong to HIS body... the church... you. My gifts are not for me, but for you. My gifts do not belong to me, but to God.

It's not about me or about you... If you're a believer, it's about US becoming a dwelling place FOR God. It's all about glorifying God.

Desirable.

It's considered a luxury in my mind to find a day like today where the weather is so perfect in the middle of winter. A high of 72 degrees in the middle of January! Going for a run was a no brainer, even though my lungs wanted to cave in on me because I have this miserable nagging cold. And the whole time, I couldn't help but think about a piece of the sermon from church earlier today:

Psalm 73:25-28 Whom have I in heaven besides you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Those who are far from you will perish; you destroy all who are unfaithful to you. But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge; I will tell of all your deeds. 

I've been asking myself that question, "Are you at a place right now where you are confident that God is better than anything else you could experience on this earth?"

And the beautiful thing is, the more I'm near to him, as the Psalmist says, the more I can answer with a resounding "yes!" I don't say that with any sort of pride at all because I don't always run to him first or follow him wholeheartedly, but when I look back at the places where I've clung to him, he is SO much better than anyone or anything else my heart has tried to cling to! 

An Unusual and Sacrificial Love

An Unusual and Sacrificial Love, up ahead.

written from a dark vantage point in my life... 

found as a gem now as I see the depths from which the Lord has brought me.

A faint cry of a world I once thought I knew. That world was alive. Full of vigor and light. In full color. High definition, if you will. It was a world of possibilities and feelings. A world before numbness and desensitization. In that world, I was free. Still homesick, but at least I could feel the pain of longing for home. 

Now, I just feel stuck. Hardened. Depth alludes me. Life feels just out of my reach. Not quite attainable. Like a glass box- the stuck place where life moves so quickly but is not experienced. Numb. Where did sensing go? I want to feel pain. I want to feel anything besides guilt and shame. My heart is faint.

An unusual and sacrificial love is spoken of. A rock that is higher than I. A refuge? 

Hear my cry, O God, listen to my prayer, from the end of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I, for you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the enemy. Ps. 61

Prayer Requests

"Transforming Hope Ministries is a faith-based, non-profit organization designed to restore the lives of adolescent victims of human trafficking through the power of Christ."

- Prayer: We are currently searching for 4 gospel-centered, committed, unpaid interns to cover hours at the home and 1 full time teacher for the home before our training in November. Pray that the Lord would surface these women and for discernment as we interview for those positions. If you are interested in one of these positions, please contact us at transforminghopeministries.org

- Prayer: We are raising financial support to bring young ladies into the home. To care for one of these girls, it costs Transforming Hope $5,000 per month. This includes her medical care, homeschooling expenses, counseling, groceries, overhead costs, and staff salaries needed to care for her. Currently we have enough monthly givers to cover the cost of one girl and our hope is to have a total of four girls in the home. Pray that the Lord would provide this money quickly so that we can respond to the great need!  If you are interested in giving, please visit transforminghopeministries.org

- Prayer: Pray for me as I balance this full time job with being a full time counseling student at Southeastern Seminary.

Money is a resource. Girls are not.

Money is a resource.

Before money, we had trading. If I grew apples and you grew oranges, we could trade apples for oranges and we’d both have apples and oranges. The game has changed now.  

I have a bachelors degree in Psychology which allows me to offer a trade: counseling.  And I have a passion: freedom for girls who are victims of sex slavery.  

And you have a trade: (fill in the blank).  You make money.  Now, don’t get your panties in a wad just because I mentioned money.   

We’re still talking apples and oranges.  

Someone else has the apple tree now and the girls I work with still need apples. They need to eat.  And they need a place to stay.  And they need a doctor and a counselor and clothes and toothpaste.  You have your trade and I have mine. Let’s trade.  

Unfortunately, the wrong kind of trading has happened in these women’s lives thus far.  These girls needed apples to stay alive but they didn’t have oranges to give. They didn’t have anything. So someone decided to make them the resource. 

Will you help me buy their trust back? 

transforminghopeministries.org

The first known human to die

Abel. 

The first known human to die. (Genesis 4) 

Mentioned in Hebrews 11, he left a legacy of faith.  As a shepherd, he gave an offering "some of the firstborn of his flock and their fat portions..." which God approved of.  We don't know for sure, but the keyword seems to be "firstborn." It was his first "paycheck."  Later, it cost him his life as well because of his brother's jealousy. Abel had faith when it cost him something.  

In 2 Samuel 24:24 we see another example of this kind of faith from David, "...I will not sacrifice to the Lord my God burnt offerings which cost me nothing." David had faith when it cost him something.





What is faith costing you?

Romans 12:1 “I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice.”

A Faith Kind of Morning

What do all of these people have in common: Abel, Enoch, Moses' parents, Barak, Jephthah? I would like to affectionately name them the "weirdos of faith". The less heard about characters from Hebrews 11. I have to really think to remember their stories from the Old Testament... and when I do remember them, I'm reminded of the DC Talk song from way back in the day, "What would people think when they hear that I'm a Jesus Freak?" These people were weirdo's according to society.

I mean, come on, who actually puts their infant in a basket and sticks him in a river? Jechebed does. But who talks about Jechebed, besides my seminary professors? And back to the question: Who would put their 3 month old in a basket in the river?!! 

When did we get it in our minds that faith is easy or normal?  This morning I've been struggling with the fact that God called me to move into a safe house where literally no one knows where I am. I am completely "off the grid." Which means that I can't invite anyone over, don't have an address to give people for care packages, and live far away from everything fun that's going on in my community. And I was slapped with the insecurity that no one else in my world knows what that feels like. I've felt lonely and abnormal in this step of faith.

But God... 

-has called me here.
-knows where I am.
-saw Moses in the basket when no one else could.
-is always faithful. 

Challenge for you: Refresh yourself on the stories of Abel, Enoch, Barak, and Jephthah. :) 

touched.

yes, physically.

Where did we get the concept of "personal space?" My first language was hugging and showing affection... before English. You can ask anyone who knows me well, and they will let you know quickly that if there is a choice in proximity, I want to be close. Not just holding your hand, and certainly not across the room, but perhaps in your lap or at least sitting close. If I can be closer, I choose closer. Don't get all inappropriate on me... I also see the need for boundaries and recognize certain relationships call for more physicality than others. I am just making the point that I like physical touch.

Did you know that psychological research has found infants experience something called, "failure to thrive" when they are not physically touched as babies? Check this out: They've tested two groups of infants- giving both groups equal amounts of food and water and diaper changes. In one group, they stroked the backs of the infants on a regular basis, in the other, they didn't touch them. The babies who were untouched literally had stunted growth, ate irregularly, and "failed to thrive." The group that was physically touched... they grew healthily!

But lately my heart has been shaken through daily interaction with stories of women who've been violated physically. These same babies that need touch and develop healthy trust through appropriate touch are being violated and abused through human sex trafficking.

Will you physically fight for them with me?

I am letting my knees touch the ground to pray on behalf of the 100,000 women being domestically trafficked through the United States right now. Will you do the same?

Transforming Hope

Throughout my life, God has extended to me the unconditional love of Jesus Christ and an incredible amount of grace.  Emma's Home will offer this unconditional love and support by aiding the parents and a select staff of teachers, counselors, mentors and healthcare workers to provide individualized care for each young woman in an effort to bring each child from broken to healed and able to live healthy, independent lives. While living in Emma's Home, the girls will be home-schooled, will participate in job-training, and extra-curricular activities that will aid in their development as healthy individuals as well as participate in individual and group therapy led by licensed professionals. Our hope is that each young woman will leave our home with the knowledge that she is deeply loved by God and has hope for a new life.  After they are able to live independently, Transforming Hope will be available for minimal, general support for as long as needed. 

If I have learned anything from these past two years with Campus Crusade, it is that having a community and team is vital to success in ministry and life! Transforming Hope is a brand new organization that could not exist without a community of people who love these girls and want to see their freedom as much as we do.  So I want to let you know of a few ways you can be involved:

1) You can join our prayer team! I believe that God is the only One who can create real and lasting freedom for these girls and we need a team of people committed to lifting them and us up in prayer.  If you would like to be added to our prayer team, please fill out one of our contact cards or go to our website at www.transforminghopeministries.org and sign up for the e-newsletter which includes regular updates on how specifically to pray for us.

2) You can become a part of our financial support team.  In order to house one girl, it costs Transforming Hope $5,000 a month and we have room for up to four girls.  This includes her healthcare, groceries, counseling, and the staff salaries needed to care for her.  We currently are in need of 294 monthly ministry partners to give at least $50 per month in order to be a part of our Founding Members team. You can join this team either by filling out one of the donation forms or again, visiting our website and clicking on "Donate". 

3) Lastly, you can become a part of our volunteer team. We are currently in need of volunteers to help with things like event planning for the girls, office administration, fundraising events, and social networking.  There is also a list of specific tangible needs for donations such as gift cards, hygiene items and cleaning supplies for Emma's Home and notes of love for the girls to be included in their welcome baskets. We have set up Emma's Home to be a safe home for these young women with as much consistency in their schedules and interactions as possible. Because of this, we do not allow volunteers to come into the home.  However, there are volunteer opportunities to interact with the girls off site.  If you are interested in this option, please note that when you contact us through our website.

Family of God, I want to thank you for being a part of my life and the ministry God has put in front of me. Your love, encouragement, and support has meant volumes to me as I’m learning to follow God’s and trust His goodness and provision. 

Transforming Hope

Many of you have asked about the direction God has taking my life and I am excited to share with you my faith story of these last couple months!  As my internship with Cru was winding down, I felt that God was putting on my heart a desire to 

offer freedom to women who have had a past of sex-trafficking. 

I prayed about it and applied to a ministry in Asheville to work as a resident director, but didn’t get the position because they wanted someone with more experience or who was pursuing a degree in counseling. 

So, I decided to move to Raleigh to pursue a degree in Biblical counseling from Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary, in hopes that I could one day work in a home with these women.  Thinking that would take a while, I put the dream on the back burner in my mind and started job searching to make my way through graduate school.  That’s when I came across “Transforming Hope Ministries” in the career portal at Southeastern.  

Transforming Hope is a nonprofit organization designed to offer freedom to girls ages 12-17 who have a history of sexual exploitation.  In July of this year, "Emma's Home" was opened for young women who have been rescued from domestic sex trafficking.

Statistics indicate that there are at least 100,000 young American women who are trafficked throughout the US each year. 

Emma's Home is designed to be a place where these young women can experience freedom from their past, safety for their present, and hope for their future. And guess what position they were looking for? You guessed it... a resident director.  I applied for the position, and got it!  Thanks for praying with me  for these women. 

I read an interesting quote today, on a guy's wall:

"Success is the happy feeling you get between the time when you do something and the time you tell a woman what you did."

-Dilbert

When I first read this quote, I felt offended. However, upon after further review of my heart, I know that I have stuck my foot in my mouth far too many times to not admit my sin of a critical spirit and cutting tongue.

Unfortunately, women, the reputation we have gained as being critical is not far from the truth. What would it look like to invite God to recreate our hearts? To make us women of encouragement rather than criticism? And men, what might it look like to expect and encourage Biblical behavior from us, speaking truth over us about our Spirit-filled character?

Proverbs 31- "The heart of her husband trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life... She opens her mouth with wisdom and on her tongue is a law of kindness."

Let's practice.

The truth is true whether or not you believe it.

For example, whether or not you believe that gravity exists is irrelevant when you decide to jump out of an airplane. If you "feel" like gravity doesn't exist... it is not going to change the truth in that moment. You are going to hit the ground either way.

So I'd say, it's pretty important to figure out what truth is, wouldn't you?

In countries like Senegal and South Sudan, people don't have the "luxury" of self-indulgence. I have it, but I'm realizing it't not such a luxury after all.

Jesus' example to us was one of self-sacrifice. Am I going to be teachable and follow His example? John 15:13

Check out my friend, Bobby's blog today:

http://stepoutinfaithbb.blogspot.com/

A Woman's Softness and Strength

by: Lottie K. Hillard

Surrendered heart

NOT surrendered identity.

A softness that calms

She does not demand love

But he wants to give it to her

Her presence invites him to rest

In fact, she is like a tree

Holding forth nurturing branches

Not a spider web

Trapping him for her soul food

Her vulnerability is so lovely

He cannot keep his soul out of hers

She is marked by genuine kindness

Of one who has already forgiven him

For how he will fail her.

She exudes the kind of strength

That trusts, and waits, and suffers...

As unto God's purposes

Not her own.

She lays her life down

Like a lamb.

Not a dog.

Her surrender flows from her love

Not fear or desperation.

Because her strength is rooted in God.

Her surrender is a chosen thing

She lives in the vulnerability

Of her longing to be treasured

Her longing to be known

Her longing to be invited in

But she lets her disillusionment tenderize

Not toughen her heart

She does not hold the object of her love captive

She does not make him pay

Or tie him to her with guilt

Or keep him in terror of her critical eye

But rather lets him fly free

Enjoying all the more the reunion.

He gets to choose to be with her.

She lives at the mercy of no one

She is captive only to the Father

Thus she is free to love

Even if it means she loses

She chooses doing love over getting love.

Oh, that I would be growing into this woman. Proverbs 31.

Laziness.

At its worst, known as "sloth," or "the failure to use one's talent's and gifts," this sin is deadly. Literally. This morning I read,

The lazy man says, "There is a lion outside! I shall be slain in the streets!" Proverbs 22:13

Long before Psychologists coined the term, "learned helplessness," the Bible gave this Proverb. It seems that laziness breeds an attitude of defeat and starts a pattern of defeated thoughts. See the catch 22? If you've been lazy, you know defeat well and so you are less likely to approach the next situation with confidence. Less likely to go out and strangle a lion.

The good news? You are NOT helpless! Philippians 4:13 says you can do anything through Christ who strengthens you. Begin with confessing the sin of laziness. Then go kill a freaking lion in the street!

Inspired.

I have told many people in my life that one of the reasons I love Behavioral Psychology so much is because I believe that God created the human intellect and therefore the behavioral studies that Psychology examines are very much consistent with God's word! HOW COOL IS THAT? So many concepts that I learned in my Psychology classes are things also found in the Bible! I believe that is because God created us and knows best how we "work." The Bible existed long before Psychology did... so I am going to use the Bible as the launching pad for discussing some of these Psychological research findings.

I realize that the intellectuals among us may call this confirmation bias, and perhaps this is true. But my blogging is not an effort to convince you that scripture is true (though I hope it may challenge your perspective). I already admit am biased because of my faith. Rather, as an overflow of my own exciting discoveries, I hope to simply share God's word with you and show you how the science of the mind backs up the scriptural text.

For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God. Romans 8:19-20

"The church has many organizers, but few
agonizers; many who pay, but few who pray;
many resters, but few wrestlers; many who
are enterprising, but few who are interceding.
People who are not praying are playing.
Two prerequisites of dynamic Christian living
are vision and passion. Both of these are
generated by prayer. The ministry of preaching
is open to a few. The ministry of praying is open
to every child of God. …
Tithes may build the church, but tears will
give it life. That is the difference between the
modern church and the early church. Our
emphasis is on paying, theirs was on praying.
When we have paid, the place is taken. When
they had prayed, the place was shaken (Acts
4:31).
In the matter of effective praying, never have
so many left so much to so few. Brethren, let us
pray."
- Leonard Ravenhill

I love this quote, so I thought I'd share it.

A friend challenged me recently, "Are you completely real in your blog? I'm just asking because sometimes it seems like you struggle more with these thoughts in real life than you seem to in your blog."

I'll admit, she's correct. If I come across as "having it all together" that is FALSE. Most of the thoughts here are wrestled over and incomplete. In truth, my life is extremely MESSY. I do not in anyway, shape, or form have everything figured out and I am still very much in process. I fail at believing these truths I mention on a consistent basis and the constant prayer I come back to is "I believe, help my unbelief (Mark 9:24)!"

Just wanted to lay that out there before we go any further. The good news is, I am blood-bought and grace-taught... over and over again.

Is it worth it?

Occasionally the thought crosses my mind that being a missionary is uncomfortable. Having a real job with a consistent income and more measurable results appeals to me right now as I wonder if what I am doing is making ANY difference whatsoever in student's lives and as I struggle through trusting God to provide for my financial needs.

But Christ changes everything. Including my perspective.

In the Christmas message I see another missionary who struggled with His calling (Luke 22:44). Leaving the most comfortable home ever (Revelation 21:11), he came to reside in unholy and inadequate living conditions, with hay as a mattress (Luke 2:12) and an unsanitary barn where there were probably bed-bugs or at least mice, I imagine.

He also left the greatest community and perfect family (Matthew 27:45-46). Within the trinity, Jesus had every relational need perfectly met (Matthew 3:16-17). As a missionary, he was rejected by his imperfect family (Mark 3:21) and separated from those he loved (Mark 14:53). He was outcasted from his hometown and rejected by his closest community (Mark 15:13).

Jesus left his perfect home, perfect peace, perfect family, perfect community... for me. His only joy was that set before him... the cross. The railroad track between God's throne and my slums. Jesus became a missionary so that He could take me back home with Him. I'm a missionary so I can bring some of my friends with me. According to God, I'm worth the sacrifice. And so are you.

I will not offer to God that which costs me nothing. (2 Samuel 24:24)