Desirable.

It's considered a luxury in my mind to find a day like today where the weather is so perfect in the middle of winter. A high of 72 degrees in the middle of January! Going for a run was a no brainer, even though my lungs wanted to cave in on me because I have this miserable nagging cold. And the whole time, I couldn't help but think about a piece of the sermon from church earlier today:

Psalm 73:25-28 Whom have I in heaven besides you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Those who are far from you will perish; you destroy all who are unfaithful to you. But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge; I will tell of all your deeds. 

I've been asking myself that question, "Are you at a place right now where you are confident that God is better than anything else you could experience on this earth?"

And the beautiful thing is, the more I'm near to him, as the Psalmist says, the more I can answer with a resounding "yes!" I don't say that with any sort of pride at all because I don't always run to him first or follow him wholeheartedly, but when I look back at the places where I've clung to him, he is SO much better than anyone or anything else my heart has tried to cling to! 

An Unusual and Sacrificial Love

An Unusual and Sacrificial Love, up ahead.

written from a dark vantage point in my life... 

found as a gem now as I see the depths from which the Lord has brought me.

A faint cry of a world I once thought I knew. That world was alive. Full of vigor and light. In full color. High definition, if you will. It was a world of possibilities and feelings. A world before numbness and desensitization. In that world, I was free. Still homesick, but at least I could feel the pain of longing for home. 

Now, I just feel stuck. Hardened. Depth alludes me. Life feels just out of my reach. Not quite attainable. Like a glass box- the stuck place where life moves so quickly but is not experienced. Numb. Where did sensing go? I want to feel pain. I want to feel anything besides guilt and shame. My heart is faint.

An unusual and sacrificial love is spoken of. A rock that is higher than I. A refuge? 

Hear my cry, O God, listen to my prayer, from the end of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I, for you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the enemy. Ps. 61